One bloke's struggle against a shedload of aliens!
Our planet is under attack and life as we know it has been wiped out. Civilisation lies in ruins and our once beautiful world has become infected by a mutant, intergalactic plague.
Governments have crumbled and our armies have been defeated. We have only one hope to save our future and ourselves...
That hope is Stan, an oafish, beer-swilling sparky from Barnsley or 'tarn' as he affectionately calls it. By his side is his trusty, wrinkly sidekick Rocky! Along the way to saving the frickin' day, our hero is joined by foxy scientist Dr Elizabeth Shafer and the mutated crackpot German pensioner and one time genius Fritz.
Our heroes are unwittingly plunged into an intergalactic assault on our planet courtesy of a vile race of creatures from the ass-end of the universe. Can they discover what this alien force is and stop it before it's too late or is mankind doomed to live in a mutated alien nightmare?
Stanley Roland Ramsbottom is the bumbling electrician from Barnsley who loves nothing more than a pint, a pie and a good football match!
He certainly does NOT care for aliens invading the planet, especially when the 'tarn' have a game that Saturday.
As the invasion threatens to wipe out mankind Stan decides enough is enough...nobody messes with the fixture list, especially not a bunch of alien scumbags.
Lizzie is a brilliant scientist who was working for the government in a top secret facility when the invasion hit. After escaping mutations that invade her lab she joins forces with Stan and the gang, much to her disgust.
Lizzie thinks Stan is nothing more than an ape-like buffoon but has no choice but to tag along as they attempt to save the world. With her knowledge of genetic science and her brilliant mind, not to mention a tendency to kick ass wherever possible, Lizzie could very well be our best hope of survival!
The mad, German scientist who saves Stan from being spored, Fritz is living his final years in the Nearly There nursing home when the invasion hits. Bored with his life and frustrated at being labelled a crazy old kraut, the once brilliant professor gains a new lease of life as the aliens attack.
Even though Fritz is a nutty as a squirrel turd, he is another brilliant mind. In his case it is in the world of physics and he is another vital part of the team.
Rocky (named after his owners favourite movie character) is Stans faithful, slobbery old sidekick who never leaves his owners side. What he lacks in speed and enthusiasm he makes up for with sheer laziness and disinterest.
However, get on the wrong side of his wrinkly ass and Rocky can demonstrate how powerful those slobbery chops can be, not to mention that killer, stink breath!
Ernie Crippendon is one of the main allies of Stan and the gang. After spending many years smuggling weapons after leaving the army (well being made to leave for turning a tank into a robot just to see if he could!) he also turns his hand to inventing the best defensive and offensive kit known to man.
In a landscape that has been overrun by alien slime and mutants as far as the eye can see, Ernest provides the best ass-kicking equipment in the business...for a modest fee of course. After drinking in the same local boozer as Stan for many years and also going to the match together, the two are good friends and Stan even gets a great discount on surface to skraalak missiles!
Led by anchorman Jackson Hardheart, the Channel 7 news team are the last reporters bringing coverage of the invasion to any remaining survivors. This is no average news team though as they were once part of 3 platoon led by Major Jackson Hardheart. When the spore showers hit the team went back to their old ways and took up arms once again. It is their mission to give the best news coverage on the planet...and kick some alien ass on the way!
Also making up the team are Private Gaz ‘Raggy’ Jones, cameraman and demolition expert, Private Jessica ‘Jess’ Sanders, driver and sniper and finally Corporal Mickey Miller - second in command and weapons expert.
If there is anything anywhere near as slimy as the skraalaks, then Carl Cedric Smedley is the closest thing. Working at GenSec alongside Lizzie, Carl is a womanising scuzzbag who uses any means possible to 'charm' the ladies. He fancies himself as the ultimate ladies man and has always had Lizzie in his sights, even more so because she finds his advances revolting!
When the first spore showers hit and GenSec is infested by mutants, Carl Smedley is spored. Like Fritz the mutation doesn't take. It does however leave the newly formed Smedleybeast with horrible new abilities and an even wilder hunger to get his slimy claws on Dr Lizzie!
The most vile, evil race of slimebags in the universe (that we know of!) are the skraalaks. Ruled by emporer Zgaraak from their homeworld of Utokaa, their army is led by the vicious general Scaraab who scours the universe searching for new worlds to colonise. The use the mhoochia spawn, a biologically engineered mutiloid lifeform to mutate indigenous life before invading.
The spider-like skraalaks are fast, intelligent and incredibly dangerous...not to mention their highly advanced technology which gives them more than an advantage against our planets defences. No one has ever come close to stopping the skraalaks but then again, they have never been to Barnsley!
Rork was living at the Nearly There nursing home with Fritz at the time of the first attack on our planet. The pair were the best of enemies and had been ever since they first met. The hatred stemmed from Rorks jealousy of Fritz's brilliant mind, knowledge and popularity, especially with Edna Braithwaithe who had a soft spot for the German.
Like Fritz, when the spores hit Rork was spored and the mutation failed to completely take hold of him. Unfortunately, the consequences were slightly more serious with Rork and even though his mind and memories were left in tact his mutation left him a slobbery, green, oozing blob!
The most feared, sadistic and violent bounty hunter in the universe. Alan is the lifeform folks turn to when their diabolical schemes turn to alienturd! If you want someone taken down and have the credits then contacting this friendly-looking chap is the solution.
No target is too difficult, no creature is too big or scary and no job is too much for this maniac. Alan is a master of all weapons, unarmed combat and tactics and is fuelled by a relentless rage. Together with a devastating arsenal and hi-tech equipment if you are in his sights you are as good as dogmeat!
Stan's faithful old work van has been through hell and literally high water since the invasion began and in that time has seen many modifications to her rusty, crusty hull.
Years ago, Stan acquired the van from an American customer who didn't have the cash to pay his bill. Stan fell in love with the guy's old van and took her as payment for the job. Named after his old nan, Florence, Stan took the vehicle and turned it into his work van.
When busting out of the Nearly There nursing home, Stan and Fritz pimped out FL0 as best they could utilising junk they could find to create the Mark II escape version. After a few near misses and the realisation they needed more than ironing boards and washing machines to protect them, Stan and Fritz headed for an old pal who used to run a weapons dealership on the side to get some serious mods in place! Here is the blueprint for the FL0-III.